Let it free if its not for you

Sometimes things that you think are within your grasp are taken away from you. Sometimes it takes you by surprise and sometimes its out of your power no matter how much you think you're doing the right thing to get it. So, this was the case last year when I went to the local farm shop and talked with the owner about hanging some of my paintings there. She was keen on the idea, liked my art very much, had even been actively looking for a local artist to hang some paintings and was all for it. She just needed to hang some picture hooks. I went back week after week and the hooks weren't up but were going to be - imminently! Then we had the problem with "insurance" and the insurance company not being happy with paintings with glass hanging on the wall because of children running around and maybe harming themselves. So it was decided that it was better not to have my paintings, and they'd do without artwork. Fair enough. And funnily enough, a few weeks ago when I went they had some artwork on the wall. Ok, it wasn't for sale, and was possibly screwed to the wall, but it wasn't my artwork (neither was it as good as my artwork!). So, I shrugged it off, and got on with other things. There wasn't much else I could do.

This week something else was taken away that I thought was a "given". My spiritual healer friend has decided that she doesn't want her self-help book on unicorns illustrated now. The book has been two years in the writing, has only been completed recently, and we have on various occasions discussed me illustrating it for her. We were both looking forward to the creative partnership of her words and my images being published. But she now feels that the book doesn't need illustrating. Fair enough. It's her book and for her to make the decision. And its not for me to argue the point (too much!) - she is my closest friend, and will remain so, so we're not going to fall out over it. I know she's not comfortable with some of the erotic artwork I do sitting against "spiritual" images. But I paint so many varied subjects, so many different things, and maybe that's part of the problem. I do TOO much to fit into a niche. I know I'm good at what I do, and others like what I do, and my art sells. But I don't fit into a title - I do erotic art, but I'm more than "just" an Erotic Artist". I also "do" landscapes, and fantasy, cats, people, and figures. All I want to do is paint pictures and sell them. The subject matter is VAST.

But, this has also got me thinking - there is no reason why I can't still paint the unicorn pictures I have been planning in my head. There is no reason why the pictures won't make beautiful paintings, that people may want to buy, there is no reason why I may not at some point write a book - about my art, for instance, that will have a chapter on unicorns, a chapter on the fantasy fannies, a chapter on landscapes, one on tigers, one on mermaids, one on erotic art, one on surreal art, one on erotic landscapes, etc etc. I have enough subject matter to write a book already, and I enjoy the writing process very much. And it seems to be well accepted in return. I plan at some point in the future to do it. Not now, and maybe not for a few years, but its on the mental "to do" list.

So, I can only be true to myself - and paint what inspires me. Whatever it is. And listen to what other people ask me to paint for them. Its all fantasy, one way or another.

MMm........ Maybe I should retitle myself "Fantasy Artist"!!!! :)

Analysing me

I've been thinking about a conversation I've had with a good friend of mine this week (albeit by email, and albeit with many miles and the Atlantic ocean between us!). I've been thinking and analysing why I like painting erotic art and its interesting for me to look at it in depth, because a few people have asked me recently WHY I do erotic art. And there are quite a few reasons WHY. Some deep, some less so......

......its certainly an intellectual exercise for me, and I've always said that painting a picture is only one tenth of the thought process of producing it. But I also want my audience to think about the painting too, to react to it (hopefully in a positive way) so I try to involve subtle clues in various places, some intended, some created by serendipity and kept, and some are even found when I've not even known about them! So then the viewer will get whichever messages they've picked up and if its erotic, their mind will start to think erotic thoughts... I understand the thoughts I've INTENDED to put in the painting, but sometimes I find thoughts I hadn't considered are there. Wow! I love it when that happens! Because as my friend so eloquently says there is no more mystery or intrigue for me when I create a painting than there is for the author of a detective novel who knows which character committed the murder long before the last chapter...... and that is indeed true for the intended reactions. BUT this is one of the reasons why I like erotic art - that people will have different reactions to it than they would JUST looking at a pretty landscape or vase of flowers - then the reaction is just "that's nice!"- BUT for me to depict erotic art, I have to have a good understanding of what people like in a picture, and as an erotic image, what happens within their brain, and then I have to get in there and try to capture all of what they like, and put it down on paper to make them like it even more through shapes, line and colour! Its a sort of psychological visual conversation and communication. I want my images to be more spiritual and intuitive and emotional than "just a vase of flowers" - which I am very capable of painting, but am not inspired by it as a subject matter - there is no emotional commitment or exchange between the viewer and the artist.

So that's one of the reasons I like painting erotic art - the communication between me and the viewer.

And which is probably why I write a blog about being an erotic artist too!!! :)

Whatever turns you on

I've had a few conversations this week with different people, talking about what I do as an Erotic Artist, and a couple of times I've found myself saying "And I look at a naked body I'm drawing in exactly the same way that I look at a vase of flowers or milk jug, and get turned on by them as much as I do looking at a vase of flowers or a milk jug - which is not at all!" (just incase you're thinking I'm some sort of weird woman who has a strange attraction for erotic tea parties with milk jugs!). Twice I've been told this week that I have an interesting life as an Erotic Artist, and I would agree that I have, but drawing naked bodies is "Work" as far as I'm concerned, and nothing else. Having said that if I'm not "working" I can look at a body and find it very attractive, sometimes. I suppose it depends on which part of my brain is working - "work" or "pleasure". I know Lucy Felthouse has been asked the same sort of questions - whether she gets turned on by her erotic stories, and the answer is "No", and I can see why she says that. So is it a draw-back (if you'll excuse the pun!) that the sort of images that turn a lot of people on, leave me cold? Other people look at my images and get turned on, I look at them and admire a certain shade of colour within the picture, or the way a line is drawn.... but then I'm analysing them as work! :)

Garden party

I went to a garden party over the weekend. Well, two, technically. It was a garden in Yorkshire, and I knew very few people there, except the people holding the party. It was a beautiful setting and quite a lot of people attended. You nod and say hello and smile at people, and conversation starts, and flows (hopefully) and moves from subject to subject. And the one thing that is guaranteed a reaction is the "I'm an erotic artist" one. Guaranteed everytime...... or so I thought!

The first party in the garden was during the day, lots of nice friendly folk there, keen gardeners and creative types. I had a couple of lovely chats about erotic art with two very nice older women and their general interest in the subject delighted me.

Later on that evening, the second party, still in the same garden, was for a slightly younger set of people, but during my many conversations it was mostly the older ones in their fifties and sixties who were interested in my art. Even if they didn't know much about art, they were happy to listen to me talk about it and exchange views on the subject. And there was one chap in particular who showed a lot of interest and asked very pertinent questions. I was more than happy to explain about erotic art to him. And he asked a good question "What's the purpose of erotic art?" And I hesitated before I replied - for me, art should be appealing, it should be pleasing to the eye, and erotic art should have an air of mystery about it. It shouldn't be too explicit, and it should be sensual. So then that made me think about how men and women view erotic art - if its a picture of a woman, does the man viewing it think that he'd like to see his lover do that, and if its a woman, does she imagine herself doing what the woman in the picture is doing? And then, the chap I was talking to, said something really profound about my art and its purpose, but it was just as something else was happening, so I didn't take it in fully, and afterwards when I prompted him to repeat it, he couldn't remember what he'd said, and neither could I! Bugger! And I know it was really important, and now its lost for ever. I'll never know it. Unless he's reading this, and remembers! In which case can you email me please!! (and yes, it'll teach me to listen properly in future!).

And later on that night, very late on, in the early hours, there was a younger set of people standing around chatting, we talked of visits to Amsterdam, and Bangkok, of sex shops and sex shows, and then I thought it might be pertinent to mention that I was an erotic artist, there was complete.......................silence. And no response whatsobloomingever. What was that all about then?????!

Strange forays

Last night I did something very strange. I quite often do strange things, by various peoples standards, but last night was odd, even for me. I went to talk to a lot of vanilla people about a subject that wasn't vanilla! I went to talk to the WI about being an Erotic Artist. Its a strange thing, isn't it? That women who may be considered quiet and staid would want to listen to me talk. I'm not sure what they got out of my talk. Some reacted to me talking about naked people, and how I draw them. They liked the pictures I took along, the vanilla ones of tigers, French landscapes, and brightly coloured chickens! But some of them sat there with expressionless faces, watching me, and I only saw one looking totally bored, and only caught one other open mouthed yawning in the background. At least no one walked out!! And they listened. And some made comments, and asked questions and reacted to me with smiles and positive feed-back. So perhaps it was ok......

So, do I count it as a success ? - I'm not sure. Perhaps they were all totally enthralled - and loved every minute of it, and went home all fired up and full of passion. Or............ perhaps they didn't. Perhaps they went home and told their husbands they'd been in the company of a strange woman, one who likes showing them pictures of brazen hussies playing with themselves and giving blow-jobs!! I think the thing that I've learnt with this is, that I'm happier talking to spicy people about the non vanilla subjects. If it had been a group of gays I'd have had a far different reaction!

The best thing to come out of the talk last night was the decision I made towards the end of the talk that........perhaps..................tonight................wasn't the................best time...............to perhaps..................mention about....................the ................fantasy fannies collection I'm going to be working on soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know my place

I know who I am. I know what I do. I've been building up my career as an erotic artist - sorry, I'll re-write that ....... as................................... "An Erotic Artist"!!! That's what I do. Everyone I meet at the moment is in no allusion whatsoever that that is what I do. I tell all I meet. I advertise the fact. Its clear if you look at my website. And people relate to it. They like it. They ask me questions about it. I am introduced to others with the title of it. Even the W.I. have asked me to go and talk to me on that very subject, because they are interested and intrigued at the title. They know they are going to be in the company of an Erotic Artist who will tell them titillating tales of the naughtiness I depict.

So........... tell me this then................. why is it, that the latest two, yes TWO, commissions I've got, are for...............................wait for it............ DOG PORTRAITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm delighted to get the commissions. I will do a good job. I will make good wholesome pictures for the owners to be happy with, and they will look upon their paintings with pride and pleasure, hopefully for years to come. But, hey, what is it with the dog pics?!!!

MMMMMmmmmmm.......... Maybe I'm going wrong somewhere. Perhaps I should forget all this erotic stuff. Whatdoyouthink? Should I? Should I turn my back on naked women, rampant men, horny couples, sexy lingerie, handcuffs and ropes, blindfolds and sexy boots, and just concentrate on ...................... the DOGS?????????????? Should I...............................???

Are you sure you're erotic?

"What sort of artist, are you?" asked the landscape painter. I paused. I always pause. "I'm an erotic artist" I said. And waited. "An erratic artist?" he queried. "No", I said, with a smile "EROTIC artist". He paused. I waited. And smiled inwardly. "Oh" he said. And I told him about my website. Five hours later.......... he asked for my website address...... and kissed me on the cheek!

Why does it amuse me? Why do I pause? I suppose I'm still slightly surprised by the reaction I get when I say it. And amused. Greatly amused. That just a couple of words can stop people in their tracks. I suppose when an artist asks a fellow artist what sort of painting they do, they expect the typical answer of "landscapes in watercolours" or "portraits in oils" or "pastel" or "flowers". And I don't give the typical answer.

Someone rang me last week, wanting a landscape in watercolour, so we discussed it in depth, and agreed a price. She asked if there was anywhere where she could view my work, and I paused. And said "I've got a website with a good example of my work on it" "Oh lovely" she said "I'll have a look and come back to you". I felt I had to warn her "Don't look at the figure drawings if you're easily upset" I said. She questioned me. I repeated it. When we hung up I was convinced I'd lost the sale. Later on she rang me and said "I've looked at your figure drawings, and yes, that commission for the landscape is fine, go ahead with it!"

So, why am I expecting a problem? Do I think that intelligent adults can't make an informed decision about my work without getting upset? Why am I expecting that people who like landscapes will find my erotic drawings offensive? I suppose its because people happily have landscapes on their wall but don't always openly discuss their interest in sex. I know that I can paint a good landscape, or any other subject matter, and do it efficiently, capably and appealingly. So I'll continue to paint anything that anyone is interested in - trees, hedges, fields, hills, bushes, breasts, buttocks, sex!