Mothers, brothers, and tears

I had visitors over the weekend.

Well, technically, they weren't really coming to see me as such, as in a social visit to see how I was. They were actually coming to see themselves.

In paint.

David and Martyn came all the way from Bath to view the painting I'd done of them. They had made arrangements to stay in this area and brought along Martyn's parents who are also depicted in the painting.

They arrived full of good cheer, and it was a delight to see them all and welcome them in to my new house. They admired the paintings hanging on the walls of my hallway, which I count as my mini gallery, and then looked askance at me. Where was it?

 I smiled, and led the way to my studio, opened the door and was hit by an overpowering smell of oil, turps, and paint. And said that I was pleased that the painting had now been hung and was residing upright on the wall rather than horizontal on my workdesk. And nodded towards it, although I didn't really need to do that, since it was quite obvious where it was. "Oooh it's big, bigger than I thought!" was the first comment, and they stood looking at it in silence. Then the comments started as they took it in turns to stand away from it, to view it better. They asked for the piece of wallpaper they'd sent me to view the painting against it, and could see that it would be fine against the heavy patterning. They were surprised at how deep the canvas was at 3 inches which is a bit deeper than usual, but it added to the dramatic aspect of it, and their room was easily big enough to take it,  and it added to the viewing experience in that where ever you stood or sat within the room the painting would be in 3D because of the deep edges.

I showed them the working drawings, and the preliminary sketches I'd done. And described the painting process of the acrylic underpainting, the thicker coats of acrylic to give the oils depth, and then the oils themselves, the the silver paint of the jagged wind applied with palette knife. As were the thicker parts of the paint to give it more texture.

They loved it. All of them.

But, the best bit, for me, was the fact it caused tears and upset. Instant tears on the first viewing. The tears of a mother as she sees her first born depicted in paint, her first born who although a man died too young, way too young. That's something that no mother should have to experience and is tragic for any woman to have to contend with, and will probably never fully recover from. So, when she burst into tears at the first sight of it that was the best reaction there could have been for me. Because it meant I'd got it right, it meant I'd got the right feeling in the picture, it meant it was the right face, the right expression, the right depiction, and the tears were the best affirmation for me, to prove that. A mothers tears for her first born. And I'm sorry that it made her cry but pleased as well. Really pleased!

After that, the positive comments, the hugs of thanks, the smiles of wonder, the silence as they stared at it, and the words they spoke afterwards, added to the whole wonder of me making a painting for someone. A special painting, that means so very much to them, and always will because they designed it, picked the subject matter, colours, setting, that it would be in oils on a large block canvas, that it would have various family members in it, that it would be a happy painting celebrating their past, but looking towards the future too. They will spend many hours staring at the painting when it goes to hang on their wall, and will love it.

And I stood there, quietly pleased with myself that I'd done it for them, and that they had asked me to do it. But then, the mother said she knew I'd do a good job, and named the other paintings I'd done for the family in the past. Paintings that they still have on their walls, treasured paintings, bringing love and happy memories... I'd forgotten about some of them, since it was so long ago that I did some of them, but remembered them instantly when she named them of course, they are my creations, and well loved by me as much as them.

We had tea and biscuits after that, and sat chatting about many things, life, love, friendship, fun. And all of it was done with laughter, and an ease of jovial conversation when you know that everyone is on the same wavelength, and of a job well done. And they are convinced I will get more commissions through it, as various friends of theirs are intrigued to see it, and have heard so much about it. I hope so, that's always my desire.

They didn't take the painting with them, it stays with me a while longer whilst its still drying. So, I have the pleasure of it, before it goes to Bath to live. 

And maybe it'll be the spark of a new idea, a new painting, not yet painted, but just a thought, in someones head....

Batch theory

I have a theory, well, I have many actually, but this is one that always seems to be true in my life. That things happen in batches, and also don't happen in batches as well. Let me explain........

This week is a busy week for me, I'm sorting out various things that need time and input from me, which is all fine, because I like to be busy. But I knew that I needed to pop into the library at Burton on Trent to discuss the talk I shall be doing there in three weeks time. I knew it would help me to see the venue, and suss out where I should be standing and hear what would be needed from me. I've half written my piece, so that's not a problem although I have noticed that the time slot fluctuates in various conversations, between ten-fifteen-twenty minutes that I need to talk for! So that needs to be finalised fully. The librarians are friendly and pleasant and the two I know best there were helpful in their advice and support as we discussed the event and the date for International Women's Day. I came away happy that I knew what was expected of me. And went in search of a suitable top to buy to wear for an Erotic Artist doing a talk to a group of people who might be vaguely interested. Perhaps they're expecting something sexy but paint splattered!!!!

And as well as that I have been asked to paint a commission. Which is great. I love commissions, unlike a lot of artists. I received an email the other day mentioning it and enquiring about prices, which I replied to and was delighted when it was accepted. And I loved the fact that it was inspired in a way from the erotic abstract that I showed you the other week of browns, purples, silver, red and creams, although the subject matter is totally different and not erotic at all, although it does depict love.........

....love in various forms......

The commission is quite specific, which is good for me, and means I know what is expected of me. It will be a landscape of a beautiful famous place in England. It will depict two people in the fore-ground with their pets. It will feature the parents of one of them, and their pet. It will also depict the dead brother of one of them, and the dead mother of the other, as spiritual beings looking down at them. And there will be eyes and happiness depicted in the painting possibly within the trees. And weather, Autumnal weather with wind. And a cloudy forbidding sky. And it will be vibrant and dramatic. And just to add to that it will be abstract. So a abstract/surreal/fantasy/spiritual painting of a famous landscape.

Which is very exciting for me to do.

But just to add to it, to make it incredibly poignant for me......the dead brother was actually one of my closest friends.............................

Does that make it easier or harder, I wonder.

And I think the answer is "Easier".

Because I loved him, as a friend. He was one of the nicest men I've ever known, and he was and is deeply loved by his brother who has commissioned this painting. And he is deeply loved by his parents who will be featured in this painting.

There will be a lot of love within it.

As well as weather!

I'm so going to enjoy doing this.


........

I was going to make this blog post about the erotic abstract I showed you last week and explain a bit more about it and how it was designed and how I created it, but I'll leave it for another time, soon....

And I was also going to tell you about my friend, the local historian writer, Stuart, who gave me a beautiful Camellia from his well established garden, this week, which I shall love having in my new garden. I have planted it in a large blue ceramic pot which is outside my front door, and when the yellow and cream blooms appear they will compliment the pot beautifully. I will enjoy having it very much and shall treasure it as a gift from my friend.


You see, I've got so much to tell you!

I bet next week nothing happens!

Its the batch theory, you see!!! LOL

The end of this year

I knew at the beginning of the year that it was going to be a difficult one. I didn't know at the time that it was going to be the MOST difficult one ever, for me. But then, what can you expect when life changing decisions are made, and need to be acted upon..............

So January started with the understanding that I was getting divorced. As soon as possible. But things don't happen in quite the way you expect. Various cogs need to be put in motion first, and some of those cogs are reliant on other people, and their decisions. And added to that I knew that the house that I loved and had lived in for twenty years had to be sold. That was a very difficult decision too. So, I started decorating to get it ready to go on the housing market.

As it was, the house wasn't sold to complete strangers, but my half was sold to another. Which should have made the selling far easier, and it would have done if Land Registry weren't being pedantic to the nth degree over which parcels of land I owned and didn't own. That took from July to the end of November to sort out. Five whole fucking months of arguing!

Whilst that was happening, I was looking for another house to live in, a lot smaller than I was used to, with less land, but somewhere that was right for an artist. I looked at every house for sale within a 15 mile radius in my (limited) price range, and visited four - three of which were hugely unsuitable for various reasons, one of which I fell in love with on paper, and even more so when I walked through the door of it. And deeper still when I finally bought it. It is the right house for an artist, it is the right house for me. I love the rural village it is in, and love the fact it is near arterial roads. Fortunately the vendors were patient people who liked me, and wanted me to have the house, although the "quick sale" we were all hoping for dragged on for four long months because of the Land Registry problems. But at least I was able to rent the house, whilst renting out my half of my own, much beloved house. But, in renting, there were limits to what I could do. I had to leave the house in the state it was in or else risk losing the large deposit, should the house sale fall through. So, I didn't hang any pictures on the walls, as my heavy pictures needed walls drilling and proper fixings put on the walls. And I wasn't going to unwrap any of the boxes I'd brought, or my carefully wrapped pictures, until I knew the house was going to be paid for, and mine complete. It had taken me weeks to wrap them all in the first place, and clear my last house of twenty years of accumulated clutter! And I didn't want to repack them and start again.

Added to this was the fun of buying a car (a new experience for me) - and I chose one that was perfect for my needs. Within four months of buying it, it had had its front wing totally mangled in a car accident that happened whilst I was sitting oblivious in a pub having lunch in a pretty Essex village, when someone managed to reverse with such force that his car shunted the Mercedes parked next to mine, and embedded it sideways into my car. I am so thankful that I wasn't between the cars at the time! The car limped back up to the Midlands, and was duly mended and looked as good as new when it was returned to me a couple of weeks later. Three weeks after that, my car was hit in EXACTLY THE SAME PLACE by another vehicle as he drove off a road into the side of mine. I just got out of the car and thought "Fuck, not again!". I bet the garage repair men thought they were going through deja vu when it was towed in to be mended for a second time!

Also, I had an exhibition to put on - at Burton on Trent library. It had been booked months in advance, long before I knew I was getting divorced, and moving house. The woman I'd organised it with offered to cancel it, but I said I'd go ahead, and did the best I could with it. In the end, it was a success and I have other connections through it - including going on Radio Derby to promote it, which was an interesting experience.

Added to this, it was seven weeks before I got the internet at my new address, for reasons that seem to make sense to telephone companies, but not me. It was four weeks before I had a phone put in, and that involved endless, exasperated arguments with the phone companies too. Not helped that mobile signals are intermittent at this address too. I also had to go out and find furniture for the new house, so Ikea has become my second home, as it is both cheap and practical with its furnishings (all of which have to be put together of course! although I liked doing that bit).

And then, just when I thought my life was settling down again, and I could start getting things straight, my mum died.

So, when people ask me, in passing.................. "Have you painted anything recently, Jackie?" I look at them. And smile, and say "Well, its been a big year ............."  ...and start telling them why I haven't painted anything recently..................

But I'm certainly not complaining about the year. Far from it. Its been a good year as well.

And I have done some painting............ although not as much as I'd have liked, they have been good ones. I did the beautiful and mystical Goddesses painting, and I did a selection of artwork for Stuart who continues to be a walking advert for me, telling everyone in his life about the pictures I've done of him. I've done some excellent drawings of the male model I met a year ago, and he has grown to be a good friend of mine too.  I've done a couple of landscapes which have been popular, and I've started to think about writing erotic stories too. And I've done the painting of the girl with the universe in her hair because of a woman I met.

But, more than all of this, she is my muse. She also, has become a good friend, and I love the fact that I inspire her creativity as much as she does mine. Meeting her has got me back into wanting to paint properly again. She inspires me.

So, its been a big year, a year of change, and challenge.

But, these have been the building blocks for next year.

When I can start again, afresh.

So,  I wish you well at the end of this year, and want to thank my friends for their positive help and support, and for listening when I've had a lot to deal with. I want to thank my readers for following my life through this blog, and for mentioning it to me when we meet in real life. I want to thank my true friends for their friendship. And I want to thank my man for being so wonderful, and being there for me, always.

My love, to you all .......

Good cheer, eventually

It's funny (and not in a good way) having a funeral so close to Christmas. Two days before Christmas and most people are doing the supermarket dash, getting the sherry infused ingredients ready for the trifle, making the beds up for the in-laws staying and doing the last minute wrapping before the kids find the presents.

I didn't even know if I was going to get there.

The East Midlands area I live in had five inches of snow the day before, and I was heading three hours south on the motorway to the West Country which had had a foot of snow in places (although virtually nothing in other parts of that area weirdly). But I set off in good time, and the traffic wasn't half as bad as the authorities had said (do they say that on purpose I wonder, to keep people off the roads?) and the weather was as clement as it could be when the whole of the country is covered in snow. So, I got there ok. And suddenly realised that I WAS going to get to the funeral in time. And that brought a strange feeling - because I'd expected that I wasn't actually going to get there. And then had to focus on the fact that I would attend the funeral I'd helped to plan. My mothers funeral.



It went as well as funerals can go.

I always say that there is more love at a funeral than at a wedding. Because people are there because they want to be there, out of respect, and love, for the person who has died.  And to celebrate the fact that that person has lived, and affected them in some way during their lives.

I looked at the coffin, and was sad.

But also, I know that I felt a comfort for the fact that my mother gave birth to me, that she encouraged me to paint from an early age, and was as supportive of my talent and ability as she could have been. And that helped me to develop into the artist I am today. And through her I found the same delight that she had for people in her life. I know in many ways that I am like her. But there are also some differences in our characters too. I physically look like her, although she was brunette and I am blonde. So I have a strong sense of a family bond from her.

I shall think of her this Christmas, more than at any other time. And I will remember Christmas times past. And I shall miss her. But, I also know that I shall feel very close to her too.

And I hope that you feel close to your families and those you love, as well, and wish you the Happiest of Christmases full of good cheer, happiness, and most of all - L O V E