Pull it all together then!

I've been struggling for a while to think what image I want for my Christmas cards this year. In previous years I've done tigers, a snarling snow leopard, unicorns. I could do another animal, I have considered that, but I know I want to do something a bit different this year. I have had the general thought that a scene from the village I've moved into might be a good idea. It's certainly a pretty village with lots of lovely old cottages full of character, an ancient small church that looks like it comes straight out of a Grimms fairy tale, and there are some gorgeous walks around here so I could do a rural scene of rolling hills and sturdy trees under winter skies. I could do all of that, but for some reason they're not hugely inspiring me......

I know that part of that struggle for inspiration is due to the fact that I've got a lot of less than artistic things still going on in the background (well, its more the fore-front really!) of my life, so its difficult to get into the flow of painting when there are flurries of phone calls and emails from solicitors  full of questions that need answers regarding finances and accompanying forms to fill out and get signed, and have witnessed. I don't mind doing it, it's all of what I have to do to start my new life. But it's not the best background for being creative in........

I have ideas running though my head......

I have lots of ideas....half forming....swirling around......erotic images......erotic words.....erotic deeds.....erotic sights.......erotic stories half written.....

And seeing my new muse again last week so soon after the last time has added to those images. She is so sexy, and sensual, and beautiful. And a whole part of that sensualness of her is the fact she seems to be totally unaware of it. It is so natural in her. And yet in her everyday domestic life she doesn't show it so much. It's only when she has chance to blossom that it comes to light. Her man knows it, and loves to see that side of her. I see it and what to capture it. I've never wanted to paint anything as much as I want to paint her.......

The weather is unusual this year. Normally we don't get any snow until after Christmas. Maybe a few flurries in the air, but nothing that even vaguely counts as even a light covering of it. But it was cold last week, bitterly cold and dry. And at the weekend there was snow, enough to get the kids excited, and for adults to be concerned about driving on the roads. It cleared a little though, but the following day didn't get above freezing, so the hoar frost covered roof, tree branch, grass and walkways alike. Very pretty, I love it! The world has turned pristine white.

Yesterday was warmer though and it started to melt, the roads were clear and I was able to go out on my financial business. But I did notice it had snowed again late last night as I went to bed...

...This morning it was white over. A blizzard of snow. I looked out to see people trudging past on their way to work and school.

A day for stopping in.

I was due to go out but cancelled it.

I'd got better things to do.

Pictures to paint. Images to create. A Christmas card image to make.

I've got it! Why hadn't I seen it before?! What image is the right one for me this year? What image is haunting my dreams and my daylight hours? What image is the one that I want to paint above all others? What image is the one that ends this turbulent year and starts the next afresh with full hope for the future?

Only one.

And it's not tigers, or unicorns, pretty cottages, and ancient churches.

It's my muse.

That's what I'll paint, along with the magic that she brings with her, for me.

That's what I'll paint......


.....let it snow...let it snow.........let it snow..............

Passing on the creativity

My mate the erotic writer Lucy Felthouse came over the other night for a drink and a chat, and I know most "business" meetings are boring - but ours NEVER are!!! Since we're never far away from what Lucy smilingly refers to as "smut"! (lovely word, so very evocative!). But when we're both in the business of selling erotic fantasies, what do you expect! I've not seen her for months so it was great to have a catch-up chat and ask about each others work and what each has been doing in our private lives... she's always amused when she thinks that a lot of people think she's actually done what she's writing about. I'm never asked that though, but perhaps people expect that one way or another, an artist creates an illusion......

By the end of the evening, when we were all "smutted out" and it was time for Lucy to go, she commented about me writing about some of the things I'd talked of to her. I could instantly feel the fire of desire rise within me! I wanted that, I wanted it a lot. I've always felt that I want to write, and the obvious thing would to be erotica, so, that's given me something to think about, too..... which is normal when Lucy and I get together!

And there must definitely be something in the air this week, because when I had a chat on the phone earlier with my new muse, to arrange the next drawing session, and told her that I'd stayed up til 2 o'clock in the morning drawing her because I was so inspired, and she told me that she was now also inspired to write some erotic stories too! I love it when the creative spirit feeds from other people's creativity! Absolutely love it!!!!

I'm really pleased with the drawing I've done so far of her. I needs a bit more work doing on it though before I show it here. It was difficult to even decide which paper to use to start with. I made the mistake of starting with a coloured textured paper, and tore it up before I'd done too much to it, to swap to a smooth white cartridge paper. She's so soft and feminine, that the paper has to match that softness. I decided to use dark graphite pencil in the end, rather than a colour, or a range of colours. Again, her beauty doesn't need to be gilded too much - just a single colour will emphasis that. But I know the more I draw her and the more I am used to looking at her, and seeing her, that I may branch out to other colours, other textured papers, other coloured papers, paint, bright vibrant paint, and large brush strokes. But, I am starting slowly at the moment.....whilst the passion rises within me again.

Be - mused

Sometimes you build things up in your head. And when you get the chance to check them out properly, they aren't what you expected. The disappointment sits heavily on your shoulders, and you wonder how you could have been so stupid to have expected things to be any different.

But, I like to look at things from all perspectives (ha, that was an artist joke!!).

I like to look at all angles, and face the good and bad in equal measure. But, I will always find the overall balance of good, because I am ever the practical optimist. But I know its not good to expect too much. Experience has shown me that........

She was waiting for me, in the pub, where we had agreed to meet. She and her man. It was a large, busy pub, on a Saturday night. We walked in, my man and me, and stood at the bar, searching faces. But we were spotted first, and waved over. They stood to greet us, and we said our hellos before settling down at the table. I made a point of sitting opposite her. I wanted to look at her......

We talked, of mundane matters, and important things. We talked of people and places, of times past, and present, we talked about ourselves, and our passions, our shared interests, our wishes and desires, of good things and bad. We ate a meal, and drank, and talked, the four of us. But there were still so many questions to ask, so we moved on, and carried on the conversation afterwards back at the house over more wine and a more relaxed atmosphere.....

She was happy to pose for me, and touched at my request. She had presumed on our first, previous meeting, that I wasn't serious about my desire to draw her. But I was. Absolutely, totally serious. When she understood that, she delightedly agreed that she would pose for me....... 


All artists look for the muse, the one who will inspire and aid the creative spirit, the one that makes you want to pick up a brush and paint. The one that fills your waking hours, and sometimes your dreams too.

And this one scares me.
And excites me.

In equal measure.

I am excited by her beauty, her transluscent skin, her cascade of dark hair, her sensual mouth, her soft enigmatic dark eyes, her look of fragility, her innate sexiness, her full womanly body.

I am excited by all of that.

But I am scared.

Scared that I won't do her justice. That I won't be able to capture the image I see of her, in real life, and translate her beauty from a three dimensional living being, to a two dimensional flat drawing on paper.

Scared.

But, I will .....try..............

If only they knew

We'd made the arrangement for today - for him to drop in for a cup of tea and a lively chat. I just wasn't sure exactly what time it would be, so I texted him first thing to find out. He texted back a time, and then rang me later to say he had a puncture and had to borrow another car, to get to work, but would come over later.

All fine, all normal for me. For us.

I've drawn him a few times before, but not for a long while, whilst I sort out my life. And it's good for me to have the practice session of life drawing, and although he originally thought he was just coming over for a cup of tea this time, (we're both big tea imbibers!) he was more than happy to sit naked whilst I drew him, and we chatted about the usual mix of subjects. Some sexual, some not. We have a similar dry sense of humour, so there's usually some laughter and comments to amuse us both with our meetings and the conversations flow in an easy and relaxed manner.

And all of this is perfectly normal, in my life.

He comes in, we sit and chat over a cup of tea, he takes all his clothes off, finds a pose we're both happy with, we continue chatting, and listen to the background music, I draw, we chat, and hopefully at the end of it I have a drawing I'm happy with.

All normal, as I say.

Except, today, there were phone calls to deal with.

Because he had a puncture, he had to arrange for the tyre to be mended, for someone to come out to the car. But the tyre replacement company weren't happy with the details he'd given them for the tyre - they thought the particular tyre shouldn't be on his particular type of car. So they rang him back. So, he had to answer the call. So then he had to ring to ask someone to check that the tyre was the right one, which they confirmed it was. So then he had to ring the tyre company back to tell them.

All of this whilst he's standing infront of me.

N A K E D.

But, they didn't know that. THEY all presumed he was a business man in a dark business suit. And indeed, he had been before he got to my house. And got his kit off. For me to draw him and think of erotic art.

We resumed the session. He resumed the pose, I resumed drawing.

And then my house phone rang........

"Excuse me Madam, but we are a market research company who are doing a survey for the local authority about people's leisure time, and we wonder if we could ask you a few questions about how you enjoy spending your leisure time, would you be happy to answer those questions.................?"

a big   P    A    U    S     E         from me.

"No. I wouldn't"

And firmly put the phone down.

They just wouldn't understand.................................. :)

Seeing what you hear

Most of our conversations so far have been by email. And there haven't been a lot of those - just the basic ones to make preliminary arrangements. But we both know the other has something we're interested in and intrigued with. I can tell that by the tone of the brief emails.  And the electronic message that came through yesterday was one I could have answered equally by email. It was regarding making arrangements to meet in the near future and have a drink and a chat and answer the many questions face to face over a pub table. She lives a good distance away and  its not an area I know, so I have to rely on her to recommend a place. But, although it could have all been sorted out through emails back and forth, I felt there was something better I could do.

 I could ring her. To make the arrangements.

What a novel idea! The telephone!

And better than that, she was in.

We started to chat, and agreed a day to meet that suited us both, and a time, and a place, but inbetween there were other snippets of conversations, about likes and dislikes, opinions, queries, inner strengths and weaknesses, and the possibility of things that may need some resolving. That's fine, that's part of what I need to know. I don't expect that my model is going to be plonked infront of me and I will draw her without any issues arising at all. If I wanted that, I'd draw still life!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Place bottle, and let it sit there until its drawn, no empathy with the subject matter, just a lifeless souless object placed on a cloth. But this is a human being we're talking about. A real person, living and breathing. With blood pumping through their veins, and thoughts rushing through their head. And if she's new to this experience, then it will seem strange to her, and she will have endless questions to ask. But this is part of the process, for me. I need to listen to her. I need to hear her thoughts. I need to know what she's thinking, what her issues are, what she is happy with, and concerned about. Because, that will give me the essence of her. It will show what she is, to me.

And all of this, is before we meet properly.

I've only met her once, briefly. But in that time I admired her outer beauty. And I knew then that I wanted to draw her. It was after we met that she agreed to pose for me, to be my muse.

So, when I see her the next time I will be looking at her with different eyes.
It will be with Artists eyes. And they look differently at things.
They look deeper, they look beyond the outer skin, beyond the superficial. They look within.

And all that information is considered. That knowledge is put together to make a whole. And that whole is then captured and put on paper. Well, that's what I'm hoping for. That's what my job is.  To paint what I see, and what I feel, and what I know. But at the moment, that information is picked up by ear.

I'm looking forward to meeting her again. It will be a social occasion, along with our accompanying men. But, something tells me, they won't get many words in edgeways.............................

Stepping in the right direction

Now I've got the internet back I thought I'd be doing dedicated blogging on an almost daily basis - but instead I find I've gone a number of days without turning my hand and head to blogging. But that is mostly the fault of that addictive of communicational things - Facebook. I'm hooked! I love it! It's great to catch up with friends again, and see what they're up to, and lovely to hear from them too! I'm back in the world, and I love it!

And I've started a drawing, too. Not an erotic one, a townscape. I can't say I'm hugely excited by it, but the discipline of straight lines, vertical lines, vanishing points, compositions and tonal values through texture and cross-hatching in pen on cartridge paper is absorbing, and will get me back into the mind-set of producing technical art before I start on the fun stuff again - the EROTIC stuff! Far more interesting!!!

As well as that I've been working on an updated artist statement - which is basically an article saying who I am, what my art is about, how I produce it and what my motives and inspirations are. Keeping it succinct and interesting is the main thing, so I know it'll take a bit of fine tuning before I'm happy with it.

I've also had the usual batch of interesting conversations this week, with interesting people. Some fleeting aquaintances met in a bar, some more solid in my life. The fleeting aquaintances tend to say things that amuse me. But perhaps that's because they find me amusing too - for instance the man who playfully slapped my bum as he told me "You're a VERY naughty girl, aren't you Jackie!" to which I just grinned and didn't bother to argue with him. If that is how an Erotic Artist is perceived, then so be it.  Having said that, his girlfriend painted pictures of sheep, so perhaps it was a step too far for him!!!

I've also had an indepth conversation with my usual male model who has decided he is mentally and physically ready to pose for me along with one or two female models. This is, I know, a big step for him, and I deeply appreciate that he is happy and trusting of my artistic decisions and professional manner. Now, that is going to be interesting to set up. It's finding the right female models to pose with him, that's going to be a little tricky. But, not impossible! And just think of the artwork!!! Mmm..... very tasty!


And I think all of this has reminded me of a  very useful lesson to learn in life -

"Don't worry, it's only kinky the first time............"  

Yep, that's a useful one to learn!!! I'll tell him, when I see him next.... LOL

But what's it like?

Some things have a definite answer. Particularly when it comes to time...... how long does it take to soft boil an egg? How long will it take to drive to Edinburgh? When's tea? How long will it take you to get ready? (well.. ok, that's EASY for a man to answer, but not a woman, certainly, its a bit more...er..... fluid!!).

So, when my new muse asks me how I will draw her, I can't answer fully. Because I don't know how long it will take.  Its not that I don't have the experience, because I have. Loads of it. Years of figure and life drawing. So, maybe that's why I know that I don't know (if you know what I mean!).

It depends on the model, it depends on the pose, it depends on what I'm trying to capture, it depends on how inspirational I'm feeling, and how inspirational the model is feeling. If they've had a shit day, the kids are playing up, they've got a full bladder, and want to get home to watch "Strictly come dancing", then they're not going to be serene and calm. And for me to draw well, I need a model who can sit happily for a while, whilst we listen to some rock or dance music, and whilst I draw them. So, I'll try my best to find a pose that is comfortable. And that the room is warm. And that they're not going to get pins and needles or cramp within five minutes of me starting. We all want a nice working environment to work in, to achieve the best we can of the circumstances. So, if the model has got some music that they really like, and they're feeling sensual and sexy, and are willing to sit for a bit whilst I draw them, then that's ideal. If we can arrange it. And that's presuming that the model can sit still. I've drawn some people who can sit still endlessly in a slightly difficult pose, with a bad back, on a cold day, on a hard surface. But I've also drawn people who can't. They can only sit for five minutes before they start asking me "Have you almost finished?" or they get light headed and keel over because their legs have locked. But, that is an extreme reaction and usually the reason for that is medical. So, I need to be aware of what people can do, before I start to draw them. And I know I'm fast at drawing. If I had to do a set of five minute sketches, I could do that (with the right tools -  for instance, it'd have to be with a lump of chalk rather than a fine pointed pencil to get the quick soft essence rather than the sharp specifics of the details of the face and body). Sometimes working fast like that can create some surprisingly lovely but simple pictures.  

Anything is possible really. But conjecture is one thing. Actually doing it, will prove the point far better. So long as the model is happy, I can work around the situation. I've done it enough times, to know......

And I want it to be a happy experience for her - one that she enjoys and finds pleasureable. 

face book

Its been a good week. Not that I've got any painting done, but good nevertheless!

I do feel that a day not painting is a day wasted, but I know I have to get the background things set up and running before settling down to do some paintings or drawings.

But, the best part of the week was when my new aquaintance told me she'd be delighted to be my new muse! It seems she's thrilled to be asked, and I'm certainly thrilled that she's accepted. She said she hadn't realised that I was serious when I asked her - but then I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't. So now I'm thinking about her features and how I want to capture them... she has a dreamy look to her, dark eyes and a mass of dark curls.... and small facial features.... and I want to capture those feminine attributes on paper.. that essence of what makes her attractive and womanly, and put it within my pictures..... mmm..... it's got me thinking.....

And the other highlight of the week, is that I've joined Facebook!!!! YAY!

It's been on my to do list for ages but without having the internet, its made it somewhat .... er....difficult!!!!!

So, I've been busy setting up my profile, and thinking about my favourite films, books, music to put on it. And then there has been the absolute joy of finding friends on it - some names from the past have turned up - some unexpectedly so, and I've made contact with them, with the greatest of pleasures! So, it's great to be back in the world again, and catch up with friends old and new!

And, to mark the occasion of 5th November in an erotic way, I thought I'd show you some female fireworks! I adore these photos for the fabulously vibrant colours, and movement within them and think they are very sexy. I'd love to paint them, as large colourful canvas's and I think they'd make superb erotic paintings! (I'd better add em to the "to do list!" then that I thought I'd just knocked one thing off and now I'm adding another on! )