Love accepted

It's a reflective time, and certainly a strange one.

People are wishing me a Happy Christmas full of good cheer and bonhomie and all I can think about is a funeral to arrange. Christmas seems a long way away.........

I open the cards that the postman brings, and am not prepared for what is there inside. A mix of  the expected "Have a Happy Christmas full of sparkle and  merriment" along with the sentiments of "So sorry to hear that you've got divorced but all the best for the future" and the "So sorry to hear the sad news about your Mum and we're thinking of you at this sad time" cards. I put them in two seperate places within the same room. To keep them apart. Happy and Sad.

Never the two shall meet.



But then, aren't they actually saying the same thing?

I think they are.

They are saying that people care, that they are thinking of me, and want to tell me so via a few words in a card. They are passing on love in various forms.

And isn't that what life is all about?

Death and illness are a huge part of life. But illness can be a terrible thing and hard to live with in the long term. Death will come to us all, its just hoping that we don’t suffer too much when we get there! We’re born, and we die, its just that we hope for some happy times inbetween – which is where love comes in. Love of life, love of things that make us happy, love of experiences and places, love of material things and less tangible ones. And love of people. That is the one that brings it all together – that is what life is ALL about.

I am ever the eternal optimist which has brought me joy, even when things are bad (like this year!) there have been lots of really good times too – it just depends on how you look at life. I avoid being around negative people as much as I can, as they will try and suck the positives out of you and bring you down to their miserable level. I look at the glass as always being “half full” rather than “half empty”. I am also a realist though – and know that you can’t have good things all the time (and how boring life would be if we did!) – but its accepting the bad and dealing with it when it arrives, but trying to avoid it the best we can in the meantime too. And looking for the silver linings in clouds as they are always there to be found.


So, a funeral is obviously a very sad time. But it is also bringing along with it the renewed bond of old friends and close cousins, uncles and aunts, and new friends too. All special in their own unique way.



Which brings me to the kindness of family and friends.
Thankyou my friends for thinking of me, I think of you in turn as I read your words, and that brings me close to you.



My Mum would have loved that.

And I do too.

Pull it all together then!

I've been struggling for a while to think what image I want for my Christmas cards this year. In previous years I've done tigers, a snarling snow leopard, unicorns. I could do another animal, I have considered that, but I know I want to do something a bit different this year. I have had the general thought that a scene from the village I've moved into might be a good idea. It's certainly a pretty village with lots of lovely old cottages full of character, an ancient small church that looks like it comes straight out of a Grimms fairy tale, and there are some gorgeous walks around here so I could do a rural scene of rolling hills and sturdy trees under winter skies. I could do all of that, but for some reason they're not hugely inspiring me......

I know that part of that struggle for inspiration is due to the fact that I've got a lot of less than artistic things still going on in the background (well, its more the fore-front really!) of my life, so its difficult to get into the flow of painting when there are flurries of phone calls and emails from solicitors  full of questions that need answers regarding finances and accompanying forms to fill out and get signed, and have witnessed. I don't mind doing it, it's all of what I have to do to start my new life. But it's not the best background for being creative in........

I have ideas running though my head......

I have lots of ideas....half forming....swirling around......erotic images......erotic words.....erotic deeds.....erotic sights.......erotic stories half written.....

And seeing my new muse again last week so soon after the last time has added to those images. She is so sexy, and sensual, and beautiful. And a whole part of that sensualness of her is the fact she seems to be totally unaware of it. It is so natural in her. And yet in her everyday domestic life she doesn't show it so much. It's only when she has chance to blossom that it comes to light. Her man knows it, and loves to see that side of her. I see it and what to capture it. I've never wanted to paint anything as much as I want to paint her.......

The weather is unusual this year. Normally we don't get any snow until after Christmas. Maybe a few flurries in the air, but nothing that even vaguely counts as even a light covering of it. But it was cold last week, bitterly cold and dry. And at the weekend there was snow, enough to get the kids excited, and for adults to be concerned about driving on the roads. It cleared a little though, but the following day didn't get above freezing, so the hoar frost covered roof, tree branch, grass and walkways alike. Very pretty, I love it! The world has turned pristine white.

Yesterday was warmer though and it started to melt, the roads were clear and I was able to go out on my financial business. But I did notice it had snowed again late last night as I went to bed...

...This morning it was white over. A blizzard of snow. I looked out to see people trudging past on their way to work and school.

A day for stopping in.

I was due to go out but cancelled it.

I'd got better things to do.

Pictures to paint. Images to create. A Christmas card image to make.

I've got it! Why hadn't I seen it before?! What image is the right one for me this year? What image is haunting my dreams and my daylight hours? What image is the one that I want to paint above all others? What image is the one that ends this turbulent year and starts the next afresh with full hope for the future?

Only one.

And it's not tigers, or unicorns, pretty cottages, and ancient churches.

It's my muse.

That's what I'll paint, along with the magic that she brings with her, for me.

That's what I'll paint......


.....let it snow...let it snow.........let it snow..............

Decluttering the dust

Its been an extremely productive day, art wise, extremely! And yet...... I haven't once picked up a paintbrush to paint or drawn anything or produced any artwork at all today. The nearest I've come to any artwork was a pastel drawing of a topless woman that I framed for the Erotic Guild of Artists gallery, the next time I go there.

No, the reason I say I've had a productive art day is because I've had a tidy up in my studio - how exciting you yawn, and yet it has been! I've thrown virtually nothing away except odd scraps of paper with scrawled notes long since written (and acted upon) but what I have done is put all my reference art books together on book shelves, I've loads of them on subjects as diverse as figure drawing, fantasy art, big cats, sex, erotic art, favourite artists, women in art, more sex, photography, sex positions, Australia, New Zealand, how to capture light in paintings, and more sex positions (well, it IS art, honest!!!!). As well as those I have a whole load of art magazines, gallery catalogues, and photo albums for reference subjects. I have files for various useful papers, and more notes on scraps of paper to be acted upon. And that's all before I get to the paints (watercolours, acrylics, oils, gouache), water pots, brushes (for watercolour and also oils/acrylics), palettes, and other collected accoutrement's of the active artist. And at the end of moving most of the things to slightly new positions, I have a whole load of something wonderful ........ Sigh! Yes, I have S P A C E !!!!! Loads and loads of it, to spread out in, to work in, to have freedom to fill with art and NOT CLUTTER! And I expect that when I get to use that space I'll produce better artwork because I'm not having to work around piles of papers and pots and brushes that I'm not currently using! So, yeh, its been a productive time!!

Yesterday the woman who commissioned the freebee Christmas card design back in June came to collect it. It was the first time she'd been to my house and we'd not met before. We got on well enough and as we chatted I showed her the Three kings design I'd done for her, which she was delighted with. So I was happy too! I had a few paintings stacked up in my studio, ready to go for exhibitions, and showed her a few of them so she could see what else I did, she knew I did pen and ink drawings but didn't know what else I do - and she said what most people say when they see my work - she commented on how diverse I was , and I agreed, I am! I only showed her the sexy large lips kissing I've just finished, a French village landscape, a Venetian night scape, a dramatic English Gothic landscape, some tigers in a snowstorm, a family of swans back lit under a tree, an old Cornish fishermans hut, a pair of fantasy unicorns in a woodland glade and an oil painting of an old country cottage with faces hidden within the flower garden (and that's only a SMALL amount of what I do, because I kept off the erotic stuff!). She was impressed with me and my artwork, and asked me how much I'd charge to paint her two children' s portraits. She said she'd discuss it with her husband and come back to me. So that was a good productive visit too! Yay!

Now.. where did I put my favourite paintbrush... and should I categorise all the art books alphabetically into fantasy/cats and SEX - nah, I haven't got one complete shelf long enough for the sex stuff!!! :)

Black on white, white on black

I've finished two drawings this week - and although they are very different in subject matter, they are similar in technique. The first is a Christmas card design of the three kings done as a black pen drawing on white paper. I was asked to design a card using which ever I felt was best regarding the three kings/stable/Bethlehem skyline and decided in the end to use all three, mostly because I fancied doing the star! It didn't take long to come up with the design and after a couple of preliminary sketches I knew what I was looking for - the darkened forms of the three kings on their camels, heading towards the stable, and pointing to the star above lighting their way. Plenty of dramatic interest and lighting. I drew it out in pencil first then the outline in black pen, but realised that if I was going to draw in the night sky and every star it was going to take me hours and hours. So the obvious thing was to speed up the process by using a paint brush instead! And that decision meant I finished it all in one sitting rather than half a dozen which meant the finished image worked better as a flowing image rather than an over-worked laboured one. I'm pleased with it, I'm pleased with the effect, and hopefully the people who have commissioned it will be happy too! Although I think the image perhaps should be entitled "camels bum" since that's what's in the middle of the foreground!

The second drawing was a white on black erotic one, using just a bit of red in the detail of the underwear. I'm half happy with the result of the half naked woman. I like the pose, and what I've drawn, but, there's no "oomph" in it. It hasn't got the wow factor. The woman in the drawing isn't alluring enough as she pulls down her panties to reveal her bum. I think she needs to be more aware of the viewer, and the fact she's got short hair makes her look too boyish. Perhaps I'll have to buy a wig for my model or ask her to grow her hair!! So I haven't named the drawing other than "red nix" as I don't think its fully worthy of a name.

And I've just had a thought - There can't be that many blog posts featuring the backside of a camel, a half naked woman, three kings, and a pair of red knickers! Still, who wants to be boring!!!! LOL

Tidying up ready for the big one

I've been working on the pen and ink Christmas card design of the three kings this week, and fighting the urge to incorporate a naked woman among them, as per the suggestion I've had from a couple of irreverent and naughty friends!! Not that there's a deadline on it until the end of September, but it needs doing and I'd rather to do it and get it out of the way so that I can concentrate properly on the Fantasy Fannies/Pussy Portrait set of paintings that have been put on hold since last September. I really don't like having had to put them to one side, as they're really very important and special to me and I think they will be to the women in question who I'm painting in such an intimate way - I'm itching to get working on them, and am very excited at the prospect of doing them. But unfortunately, a lot of things have been stopping me getting on with them, but now the way is clear, and I can start work very soon! YAY!!

As well as that this week I've re-vamped another old painting - a third! (I'm on a roll!) and am again delighted at the end result that a bit more paint, and lots more knowledge, can revitalise a mediocre painting into a special one, worthy of hanging on a wall. This one is a vanilla painting of some old fishermen cottages at Prussia Cove in Cornwall that I originally did a number of years ago. Its along a quiet and secluded dusty track to the sea and the cottages were ideal to paint - really very picturesque with their old stone walls, rusty roofs and bright blue peeling paint! I went over the paintings with bright Windsor blue, and dramatic burnt sienna, and added a touch of violet to the shadows, as well as added detail and splatter to the mass of foliage in the foreground and the thatch of the first cottage roof. I also cut down the painting to a smaller size than the original, which makes it a more interesting and exciting composition. I'm really pleased with it now, even though its not a greatly exciting subject matter (for me!). Maybe it will be for someone else.

And this week I received the phone call I've been waiting for - the woman who had the dog portraits painted for her husbands birthday was delighted with them, and so was her husband, fortunately! She kindly rang me to give me the feedback of his reaction, which was all positive and good. She's also told all her friends about the paintings I've done, and sung my praises so maybe I'll get more commissions through her. At this rate, I'll be better advertising at Crufts rather than the erotica shows!!! Can you be an erotic artist AND be good at dogs? Don't answer that, I think I'm gonna regret asking that question!!!!! LOL

Why I'm not sunbathing

.......This is just me musing out loud.....

..... every so often I have time to sit back and have a think about what I want, and how I'm going to get it. And if its a small thing I usually know exactly how I'm going to get it, and I go out and do just that. But, if its a big thing, how do you get it? Especially when you're not exactly sure what "it" is! MMmmmm.....

As an artist you have to decide what sort of artist you are - whether you're the sort that sits at home and just paints pictures for yourself, copying them from photos in magazines and just putting them under the bed afterwards to collect dust. I'm way past being that sort of artist. Or whether you're the sort who goes out and learns more about art and painting and improves on your art, learns new techniques, finds local places to exhibit and sells small paintings very periodically for small amounts of money. I'm past being that sort of artist. Or whether you're the sort to decide you want to get out there (wherever that is!) and push your art more, and get more people interested in you, sell your work for higher prices and make a good living from it. And it's very difficult for any artist to do - all the artists I know have to subsidise selling their art by either teaching art to bring in a regular income, or having a "day job" that pays the bills and they do their art around it. So, if you're that sort of artist (and I know that I am) how do you do it? How do you achieve that goal? As far as I can see it's by promoting your art the best you can. And maybe its by going to an established gallery and getting them to hang your paintings. I've tried to a degree with little success. Galleries won't accept your work if you don't do the sort of work they're known for. If you're a figure painter there's no point in going to gallery known for landscapes. If you're a traditional watercolourist, there's no point in going to a modern art gallery. And also they won't accept you if you're not a "known" name. But how do you get to be "known" if they won't take your paintings? I've had problems in the past trying to get into a gallery, as my artwork doesn't "fit" what they do, as its neither traditional or contemporary. And also, there's the problem of the amount the galleries want for selling an artist's work. I've heard recently of an artist who isn't as good as me, selling his artwork in a London gallery and the paintings selling for £2,000 but the artist will only get £300 when the gallery have taken their cut of the sale. And I want a higher cut if I've done all the hard work, like painting it! So, galleries can be useful to sell and promote, and I can see the value of them, but if I can do it without them, I'd like to try, even if it is going to be a slower process to get my name known, doing it myself.

I suppose I could just drift along, waiting for things to happen, but that's not going to achieve much is it? Occasionally someone will contact me out of the blue wanting to buy a painting, and maybe that'll happen more and more as I get my name more well known. The more I paint, the more paintings will go out into the world, the more people will see them and contact me. So, do I spend my time promoting my work? Or painting? I want to paint. If I was to shut myself away for a year, I might just be able to do all the paintings that I've got in my mind, ready to paint. But I need to promote as well.

And maybe the answer is also to get prints made of my work, cos that is where the money is made for an artist, rather than the originals.

And all of this is why I'm not sunbathing. The sun is glorious at the moment, but I'm not in it. Because I have to paint. Or promote. Or look for a gallery. Or find out about prints of my artwork. Plus I've got a Christmas card to design. Not that I'm going to be paid for it, but because it'll be good promotion for me, and maybe, it'll bring some more work in for me. Maybe......

All change

Recently I've been looking at a painting I've got in my studio, it's just been propped up against the wall for ages and ages. I did it a couple of years ago and everytime I look at it, something niggles at me that its not quite "right". I haven't been able to tell myself exactly "why" its not quite right, but I just know it IS....... MMm.....

When I saw my model this week she asked what the pose was for the session, and I nodded at this particular painting, since it was of her, and asked her what she felt was "wrong" with it. She looked closer at it, and said that maybe there was "something", but she couldn't say exactly "WHAT". I pushed her for more but she couldn't really tell me more than that, then added "You're the artist, you should know!" and she's right, I am. And I should. Its my painting. I created it. And if its not right, its not right. So, change it! OK. Decision made! But, change it to what? ....MMMmmmm........ More thinking.....

Ok, well, I know I wasn't happy with it being done in acrylics, and felt that it would have been a better painting in oils, so at least it was a start, to do that. Acrylics are often used as a base for oils, so it's quite natural to paint over acylics in oils and let the original colours show through a bit. Ok. Set up the pose again, and paint over the painting in oils. Gulp. Paint OVER? As in lost forever if I get it wrong? Yep! Ok........... If you're sure....................

So, that's what I did. I painted over it, in oils.

And you know what?

It was SSSOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo much better for me doing that! The painting lost its harshness, its half finished look, its gaudy colours and harsh lines. The oils blended on the canvas, the colours were more muted, and so more subtle, the woman in the painting came to life, you could see flesh tones and she looked as if the blood was pumping through her veins. She looked so more sensual and sexy and the whole picture just looked a million times better. WOW!!!! It needs a little bit more work doing on it, fine details in hair and maybe slight changes in the background colours, but its done! Big WOW! I'm so pleased I went with my gut reaction, even if it was a long time coming!

And this week, I've been asked to design a Christmas card, and been given mostly a free reign on designing it except that ideally it should be a pen and ink drawing, and it should feature the crib scene, or the three kings, or the Bethlehem skyline. Ok, sounds interesting. Certainly something different! So, whilst the sun is shining (at last!) on Englands pleasant green lands, and everyone is talking of barbeques and sunbathing, I shall be thinking of Christmas!